Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Refuse

My refusal is refuse
Because it is not truth
And every day I lie
To myself
And to you
When I tell you “I refuse!”
To give in…
And of giving of myself
With no receipt of self given
I have given into
My generous heart
The part that compels compassion
And overrides the refusal


My refusal is refuse
Because it is not truth
And every day I lie
To myself
And to you
When I tell you “I refuse!”
To compare myself to “her”…
Whoever “she” may be
Because “she” is doing this
And looks like that
And I just might not add up
To the ideal that “they” have set
But here I go with every day I wake
Look into the mirror disapprovingly
Of what looks back
And what I have refused to do
Is exactly what I subconsciously choose to do


And so my refusal is refuse
And every day I lie to me
And to you
When I tell you, “I refuse!”
To sacrifice…
But what day goes by
When I don’t say bye
To what I want or where I want to be
Just so that he
May be all he dreams to be
And have all his heart can want
So sacrificing
Has become a way of living
And once again my refusal ends is defeat


So my refusal is refuse?
Or is it I must choose
To refuse my refusal
To be a woman
With insecurities
To be a friend
Who gives from the heart
To be a mother
Who sacrifices a lot


Because me without the identity
Of these three
Is indeed
Refuse


1 comment:

  1. well it looks like you fought thru your writer's block....good stuff

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