"I got a feeling! Ooh, Ooh! That tonight's going to be a good night! That tonight's going be a good, good night!" my phone alarm rang.
"Noo.." I moaned. It couldn't possibly be morning already.
"I got a feeling! Ooh, Ooh!" my alarm starts to sing again. I turn over, grab the phone and shut it off.
"Ouch!" my head is ringing. The sun burns my eyes. I try and bury myself under my down comforter.
"Rough night?" I hear a familiar voice ask.
"Rough would be an understatement," I mumbled.
"Obviously," Sophia, my roommate and younger sister says as she crawls to the edge of my bed and waits for me to elaborate. I don't. Instead I try and recall the events of last night. Waiting on Ethan's steps, confessing, driving home in tears, opening the first bottle of wine, then the second, watching my favorite scenes from Brown Sugar...
"So, you told him, huh? she asked.
"He called you?" I yelled, shot up from under the covers, forgetting the pain in my head from my wine hangover and quickly laid back down.
"No, he didn't. Calm down. The bottles of wine, cookie dough package and Brown Sugar menu screen, say a lot love."
Crap! It was pathetic. My younger sister caught me being pathetic. She's caught me being or doing much, but pathetic was something I hoped remained my secret. "Yeah, I told him," I sighed. My eyes started to tear up. "It was so embarrassing, Soph. Like I just yelled at him that I loved him and rambled on and on and all he could muster up to say was something about taking a step back."
"You think that maybe that might be the best thing right now."
"It may be the best thing, but it could also be the worse."
"Why would it be the worse thing? Because you love him and he doesn't love you in the same way?"
"Because my love could have just cost me my best friend," I said.
There was a pause. A marination of thoughts. Its funny how loud silence can be. Because Soph couldn't come up with a response told me she knew I was right. No matter how Ethan and I tried to recover from this, it would always be different between us. My words left stains that neither of us could remove. We could cover up, overlook, pretend they aren't there, but under the surface we would always be well aware.
"So what are you going to do now? Drink your life away," she said with a smile. She was great at that. Moving on. Even after Daddy died, she just picked up and moved on like it didn't phase her. I admired her strength to hold it together, even if it was her weakness.
"Coffee," I sighed. "Right now, I need lots and lots of coffee." I started to pull myself out of the bed. There was a slight spin to the room. Soph got up with me, put her arm through mine.
"Its going to be okay. I promise. Not today, not tomorrow, but one day it will be okay. You've been through worse."
"I know. Just sucks, that's all," I said as I pulled away from her and headed to my bathroom.
"I'll make your coffee, kay sis."
"Ok. Thanks," I said solemnly.
"Kamryn, look at it this way: his life, his choice, his loss," she shrugged her shoulders and walked out the door.
"Or mine," I thought.